Container Garden - Update

Well, it has been a really great year for the container garden. I love the Canna lily bloom - it really is a bright feature as I look out my kitchen window while doing dishes. I'm also happy with the choice of petunias this year instead of geraniums. I also chose to avoid yellow and pastel flowers - although there are two accidental lavender colored petunias which probably bothers me more than anyone else. Can't wait for the annual sage to bloom. Otherwise, everything is happy and healthy! I will add the river rock soon to tie it all together... perhaps this weekend...

One Final Miracle

Early in May, our family learned that a lifelong friend of my Dad’s passed away. His name was Lionel “Mac” McCaffrey and they had been friends since they met while both serving in the military. I recall hearing stories of Mac's infamous St. Patrick's day parties, which my Dad attended annually during the years they lived in the same city. Mac and my dad kept in touch over the years and shared the occassional visit. Mac was in my dad’s thoughts frequently over the past year as Mac often sent interesting emails - links to funny jokes, websites, youtube videos, etc.

When we found out that Mac passed away on May 1, we decided not to tell Dad. He was in the advanced stages of cancer and we felt that this news would be devastating and might dampen his already fragile spirits. As well, my family and I were all diligent about watching for “signs” that can be given by those nearing the end of life. These signs, or final gifts, can be spoken in dreams or while the person with the illness is in a state of delirium or altered conciousness. We felt that if Dad described seeing Mac, this could be an indication that his journey was nearing the end.

However, Dad never described seeing his friend. He asked about him when talking with mutual friends, but those involved were instructed to politely avoid telling the truth about Mac’s passing.

Then the miracle occurred.

After my dad passed away on May 27th, I called the funeral home to arrange transport to pick him up from my parent’s home... When the van eventually arrived, my sister glanced out the window toward the driveway. Her voice was shaking when she spoke “Oh my God! You have to come and see this!” We joined her at the window and we all looked out toward the ominous black van. Then she said “Look at the license plate”.

The letters on the plate read: M-A-C.

I suppose this could be considered a co-incidence. One can mathematically calculate that the possibility of this combination of letters occurring by chance is one in 17,576 (or 0.0057%). But this co-incidence gives my mom, my family, and Mac’s wife a profound sense of comfort. Not only do we know that they are together, but we feel that they wanted to let us know that they are safe in each other’s company.

Thank You All For Your Support...

Now that my dad’s battle with cancer has ended, it is time to reflect on the whirlwind of events that the past several months has brought. Although this has been a terribly difficult time, as we watched my dad deteriorate over a period of a few short months, I have also witnessed the goodness in those around me, in my family, friends, and almost strangers. It is with heartfelt gratitude that I attempt to extend my thanks to those who have reached out and offered support to make our journey a little less difficult.

It is impossible to name the countless healthcare workers involved in my dad’s care over the past several months, but I’d like to name a few:

• To the community nurses especially Linda and Sue who gave us so much comfort, support, and hands on care.

• To Lucie, who guided me on a profound personal journey of forgiveness and compassion, before it was too late.

• To the countless nurses and councillors with the Palliative Response Team – your expertise was always delivered with caring hearts, and we thank you for allowing us to keep our dad at home and leave with dignity. Especially those who taught us to recognize the final gifts my dad communicated to us through the episodes of delirium in his final weeks.

• To the doctors, especially Dr. Jones and Dr. Ryan who came into our home and addressed Dad’s needs. And to Dr. Tara Pickering, my sister -in-law who patiently answered every question and concern.

To all the Sooke Moms (and Dads) who took care of our daughter, usually on short notice – I hope that she brought the same joy with her visits as your children bring to our home - especially Carrol, Leanna, Daphne, Ryan, Jenn, Deb, Andrea, Britt, Gorana, Keri, Caryn, Trish, Lori, Suzanne, Shannon, Heather, Tracey, and Noah.

For the hugs, phone calls and messages of support, as well as the memorable laughs and good times – Carrol, Jason, Leanna, Colin, Daphne, Ryan, Joan, Lori, Kendall, Jenn, Caryn, Aaron, Melanie, John and Joanne. To Andrea, Jessica, Deanna and Our Lady Star of the Sea CWL - thanks for the wonderful meals!

And to the support at schools and classes - Mme Robertson, Trish, Roseanne, Shan, and Niki.

To my co-workers, the therapy services and 5A staff at the VGH, especially Mubeena, Debbie, Linda, and Melissa - for always being there, professionally and personally.

To Pat, our family friend who did so many tasks for us – especially for scanning so many photos, thoughtfully labelling each photo and burning discs for all of us. Thank you for the coffee and snacks and all of the driving duties...

To my online friends – your messages of support, general kindness, and hugs always made me feel like I wasn’t alone, especially Cathy, Yukari, Janice, Laura, Jodie, Carrol, Kevin, Scott, Cris, and Dom.

To my sisters – I cannot express how much it meant to be a part of Dad’s inner circle with you. You both visited dad daily and committed your time and availability 24/7 for months. We all “pitched in” and shared in the decision making, visiting, food prep, clean-up, organizing, archiving, information gathering, gardening, emailing and so many other necessary duties – yet it felt good to give back. You showed the meaning of going the extra mile.

To my brother – your uber energy and inability to sit still for five minutes allowed us to all breathe easier when you were visiting from Calgary. Your competence is mind-boggling, whether you’re cooking, housekeeping, lawn-keeping, running, playing with the kids, or shopping, you always remained calm and offered support to everyone around.

There are no words to describe how much love and respect I have for my Mom. It’s been an especially difficult time for her. I could write a chapter but will say only this: Your strength is astounding and we were all moved by the love and patience that you tirelessly gave Dad – you were the sole caregiver for a significant portion of Dad’s illness and it wasn’t an easy job but you did so well. I am so proud that you are my Mom.

To Roger, my amazing husband - you were always there for me and my family; you offered everything, always. You have been a rock to all of us. You have stood by me when I didn’t deserve you; you rubbed my back on countless sleepless nights; you allowed me the time to pursue my hours of walking; you bit your tongue when dinner was less than sophisticated... again! . You have the most gentle spirit, you are as kind to me as you are to everyone else. For you, I am forever grateful.

And to all other friends, extended family, church members and supporters - I THANK YOU...

I dedicate this song to all of you... xo

Our Garden - Spring 2010

Here are just a few photos of my garden taken in May. The main back garden is in it's forth year! The rock wall was built by hand (still so proud of my husband and a lovely Albanian man named Leonardo) using rock "obtained" from a nearby quarry - it is dry stacked and filled with rich garden soil. The shade garden has done very well but the sunnier side in the first photo still lacks the substance that I have envisioned. A work in progress! My husband loves maples (lucky me!) so when he found this chartreuse color beauty, he knew it would look great in this spot in front of our entranceway. He created this little raised feature in 20 minutes and I think it looks perfect... I've yet to plant some colorful annuals around it to highlight it and to remind us to keep it watered...

My favorite garden activity is container gardening... I have always planted Cordyline as the central feature in this pot (below) but it often becomes literally overshadowed by some of the agressive annuals later in the summer, so I chose a healthy Canna and it looks great so far!

I'll keep you posted on how things are growing!!

Sadness

My Dad - Phil Trofimuk

July 19, 1934 - May 27, 2010

(I don't have words to express how I'm feeling this week but this poem is so moving, I wanted to share it.... I think about how my Mom must be feeling and I weep)

I Walked With You As Long As I Could

I walked with you as long as I could
The years were many, our days were good.
I watched you fade slowly day by day;
My heart wept tears, I hid them away.
I could not show you weakness or grief,
I gave you strength and staunch belief.
God took your hand and we had to part.
He eased your pain, but He broke my heart.
I wanted you with me for a few more years.
God knew how I felt, but He knew best.
He took you home so you could rest.
Life goes on, I know it’s true,
But it’s not the same since I lost you.
Your beautiful memories, I will treasure forever,
Of the happy days when we were together.
With an aching heart I whisper low,
I love you and miss you so.

Anonymous