Thank You All For Your Support...

Now that my dad’s battle with cancer has ended, it is time to reflect on the whirlwind of events that the past several months has brought. Although this has been a terribly difficult time, as we watched my dad deteriorate over a period of a few short months, I have also witnessed the goodness in those around me, in my family, friends, and almost strangers. It is with heartfelt gratitude that I attempt to extend my thanks to those who have reached out and offered support to make our journey a little less difficult.

It is impossible to name the countless healthcare workers involved in my dad’s care over the past several months, but I’d like to name a few:

• To the community nurses especially Linda and Sue who gave us so much comfort, support, and hands on care.

• To Lucie, who guided me on a profound personal journey of forgiveness and compassion, before it was too late.

• To the countless nurses and councillors with the Palliative Response Team – your expertise was always delivered with caring hearts, and we thank you for allowing us to keep our dad at home and leave with dignity. Especially those who taught us to recognize the final gifts my dad communicated to us through the episodes of delirium in his final weeks.

• To the doctors, especially Dr. Jones and Dr. Ryan who came into our home and addressed Dad’s needs. And to Dr. Tara Pickering, my sister -in-law who patiently answered every question and concern.

To all the Sooke Moms (and Dads) who took care of our daughter, usually on short notice – I hope that she brought the same joy with her visits as your children bring to our home - especially Carrol, Leanna, Daphne, Ryan, Jenn, Deb, Andrea, Britt, Gorana, Keri, Caryn, Trish, Lori, Suzanne, Shannon, Heather, Tracey, and Noah.

For the hugs, phone calls and messages of support, as well as the memorable laughs and good times – Carrol, Jason, Leanna, Colin, Daphne, Ryan, Joan, Lori, Kendall, Jenn, Caryn, Aaron, Melanie, John and Joanne. To Andrea, Jessica, Deanna and Our Lady Star of the Sea CWL - thanks for the wonderful meals!

And to the support at schools and classes - Mme Robertson, Trish, Roseanne, Shan, and Niki.

To my co-workers, the therapy services and 5A staff at the VGH, especially Mubeena, Debbie, Linda, and Melissa - for always being there, professionally and personally.

To Pat, our family friend who did so many tasks for us – especially for scanning so many photos, thoughtfully labelling each photo and burning discs for all of us. Thank you for the coffee and snacks and all of the driving duties...

To my online friends – your messages of support, general kindness, and hugs always made me feel like I wasn’t alone, especially Cathy, Yukari, Janice, Laura, Jodie, Carrol, Kevin, Scott, Cris, and Dom.

To my sisters – I cannot express how much it meant to be a part of Dad’s inner circle with you. You both visited dad daily and committed your time and availability 24/7 for months. We all “pitched in” and shared in the decision making, visiting, food prep, clean-up, organizing, archiving, information gathering, gardening, emailing and so many other necessary duties – yet it felt good to give back. You showed the meaning of going the extra mile.

To my brother – your uber energy and inability to sit still for five minutes allowed us to all breathe easier when you were visiting from Calgary. Your competence is mind-boggling, whether you’re cooking, housekeeping, lawn-keeping, running, playing with the kids, or shopping, you always remained calm and offered support to everyone around.

There are no words to describe how much love and respect I have for my Mom. It’s been an especially difficult time for her. I could write a chapter but will say only this: Your strength is astounding and we were all moved by the love and patience that you tirelessly gave Dad – you were the sole caregiver for a significant portion of Dad’s illness and it wasn’t an easy job but you did so well. I am so proud that you are my Mom.

To Roger, my amazing husband - you were always there for me and my family; you offered everything, always. You have been a rock to all of us. You have stood by me when I didn’t deserve you; you rubbed my back on countless sleepless nights; you allowed me the time to pursue my hours of walking; you bit your tongue when dinner was less than sophisticated... again! . You have the most gentle spirit, you are as kind to me as you are to everyone else. For you, I am forever grateful.

And to all other friends, extended family, church members and supporters - I THANK YOU...

I dedicate this song to all of you... xo

Two Days After Superbowl Sunday

February 9, 2010 was a day I’ll never forget. It was two days after the Superbowl and the festivities had already faded. My dad was being discharged from the Victoria General Hospital, not because he was well enough to go home, but because there was nothing more “they” could do for him. In late January, he was admitted with symptoms of nausea which turned out to be a serious bowel obstruction for which he required surgery. Peri-operatively, the surgeon discovered widespread metastatic cancer, which had gone undetected in a CT scan a few weeks earlier. So the operation was completed and Dad spent a few more days in hospital recovering .

With the prescription of T3’s in hand, I prepared his transport wheelchair so that we could get to the car and go to the BC Cancer Agency. It was our understanding that a PICC line would be started so that Dad could begin immediate chemotherapy. Dad was grumpy that day and he refused the wheelchair, choosing to walk out of the hospital on foot – I could not convince him to conserve his energy.

However, the PICC line was never inserted. The oncologist at the cancer clinic explained that chemotherapy was not indicated as the cancer was far too widespread to be affected by chemotherapy, and the negative side effects would likely outweigh the benefits. So the “fragile” conversation began. Carefully worded questions were followed by painfully vague answers. I just wanted to know how long. EVERYONE will want to know: how much more time does he have? I knew that my parents were shocked, worn, fatigued, and sad - my job was to get this information right. I knew I would be repeating this story over and over and over again and I HAD to get it right!! I was the only trained healthcare professional in the immediate family – I was the self-designated quarterback, for now ....

So I made sure to listen carefully and clarify: “A few months – as long as there is no major event” A FEW MONTHS!?! But he was fine at Christmas, 6 weeks ago!! Then bloodwork was done, nausea set in, and he was taken to hospital -- now you are telling me a few months!! I switched off the emotional side and thought of clarifying questions that “people” will want to know. I had to keep it together, help, support, think, remember, and listen. The visit didn’t stop there: there were prescriptions to fill (forget those T3’s, it was time for the deluxe narcotics), appointments with home nursing and the outpatient pain clinic to be made, and paperwork to be completed. Who knew that I’d be filling out the Palliative Care Benefits paperwork only 6 weeks after Christmas!

I dreaded going home to an almost empty house to make those phone calls to share the devastating news with my siblings. Now I was going to have to be the one answering carefully worded questions with fragile, vague answers – I was, after all, the quarterback.

(Despite the gravity of that day, I still feel honoured to have been there. Our family was treated with overwhelming compassion and support from all the staff, professionals and volunteers at the BC Cancer Agency. It made the whole experience slightly more tolerable to be surrounded by caring and kind strangers. A huge thank you to all of the individuals who dedicate their time and energy to helping patients and families with the experience of cancer)