Project Life - How I Learned To Document Life

This has been a really fun year for me creatively as I made a commitment to complete more scrapbooking projects. If you are familiar with this very popular craft, you know that it is a very diverse, personal, time consuming, and potentially pricy activity.

Shortly after Christmas, I began searching online for scapbooking layout ideas and products, and I felt completely overwhelmed!! I managed to complete a beautiful layout early in January which took 7 hours over 2-3 nights! At this rate, I was going to have to quit my day job to complete the projects I wanted to see finished.

However, I stumbled upon a product that changed everything. It was a kit called Project Life by the inspiring and talented Becky Higgins. The concept is simple: create a layout every week that captures a photo a day with a corresponding decorative journal card and place it into page protectors. No adhesive, no ribbon, no thirteen layers of flowers and sparkles to feature one photo. It’s simple, pretty, and most of all, manageable!! I am proud to say I am currently up-to-date with my album which is bursting with photos, stories, memorablilia and some extra layouts representing special events. I no longer keep a box of “items to scrapbook”. It’s all there, in my album!! If it doesn’t fit in my album, I don’t really need to keep it. That aspect alone is so freeing!

I have developed the habit of trying to keep my camera with me at all times, so I can capture the “little things” that occur in a day. I even brought my camera to parent-teacher interviews at my daughter's school because I didn’t want that event to go un-documented.

The result is a beautiful album documenting the changes of the seasons, an array of events/play dates, and several other random moments all capturing the subtle hints of my little girl growing up in front of our eyes. What could be more precious than that?

A Definite Keeper - Lemon Confetti Bean Salad

After spending time trying to find this recipe online for a friend, I've given up and decided to post it instead!

This is such a healthy, delicious, and easy recipe to prepare. It's perfect for a potluck - it tastes as fresh and yummy as it looks. I have enjoyed it for years, since I saw it on a morning talk show (Canada A.M.?) and I frequently receive requests for this recipe.

So here it is:

1 19 oz can lentils (drained and rinsed)
1 cup canned chick peas (drained and rinsed)- I like Superstore's President's Choice organic
1 cup carrots - diced
1 cup celery - diced
1 cup red peppers - seeded and diced
1/4 cup red onions (I usually use less - about 3 tbsp chopped finely)
1/4 cup sunflower seeds (I buy roasted and salted)
1/3 - 1/2 cup chopped fresh parsley (this is time consuming to prepare and chop but dried parsley is just not the same!)
1/4 chopped up black olives (optional)

Salt and pepper to taste

Dressing:
Juice of 1 lemon
2 tbsp tamari
2 tbsp toasted sesame oil
2-3 tsp dried dill weed
1/4 cup olive oil

Place the dressing in a container with a lid so you can shake it up well before serving

If making ahead, mix all together in a large bowl, keeping the sunflower seeds and dressing separate. Mix salad 15 minutes before serving and again immediately before serving. Best when served chilled...

So there you have it - just in time to try out before summer barbeque season begins! Let me know if you tweek the recipe...

My Addiction

One year ago, I started a regular routine of walking several times each and every week. What I did not realize is that it was going to become one of the most important activities in my life.

When I began, I walked a 4 km route in my neighbourhood which I enjoyed at first, but it became a little tedious as the winter months arrived. As life became more complicated in January of 2010, I took my walks to a nearby trail where I felt I could find privacy and solitude. The trail was stunning, private, and protected. It was easy and enjoyable to build my endurance, one step at a time, as my distances steadily increased. My usual routine involved two shorter walks on Tuesday and Thursday, usually 8 – 12 km and a longer walk on Saturday or Sunday, ranging from 16 – 28 km, always maintaining a steady pace of 10 minutes per kilometre (not exactly a record breaking pace)


This nearby trail is now an addiction, a necessity, and a familiar friend. Throughout the seasons, I have watched the forest transform from the cold moss-rich winter, where I have witnessed the awesome power of the raging Sooke River, to the blossoms of spring, the buzzing heat and trickling river of summer, and the golden crisp coolness of today’s autumn splendor. I learned that there is no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing (thanks Brian).

This trail has seen me transform from my worst to my best. On the trail I have created goals, unravelled confusion, welcomed grief, found strength, resolved anger, weighed career choices, and simply enjoyed and appreciated this amazing part of the world.

I hope that walking this trail never feels like a chore, because at this point in my life, I have made walking a priority, often leaving the dishes, laundry, or cleaning for the evening. I cannot imagine how I would have survived 2010 without it....

Finding Your Inner Virginia

One of my favourite songs over the past few months has been “Meet Virginia” by Train. Although I had heard this song when it was more popular several years ago, I never actually listened to the lyrics until this summer. And I fell in love (again) with the song and with “Virginia”.



I see Virginia as a quirky, awkward girl who lives her life against the grain: “her hair is always a mess”, “she only drinks coffee at midnight”, “she doesn’t own a dress”. The beauty of the song is that the singer loves her for all of her faults; in fact, he seems to adore her. It’s not that he doesn’t notice the fact that she’s different, he sees it and embraces it. That’s what I love about this song – it’s such a refreshing message!

The problem lies in how Virginia seems to view herself and where she is going in her life. “She wants to be the queen, and she thinks about her scene. Pulls her hair back as she screams 'I don’t really want to be the queen'... finishing with a far more serious conclusion 'I don’t really want to live this...'”. The interpretation of Virginia’s view of herself seems much more vague and leaves more to speculation. She is obviously conflicted. Is it that her true “quirky” self is conflicted with who she wishes she were, perhaps a more refined Virginia? Or perhaps, she is frustrated with others expectations of her, as she knows she will never be who others want her to be. Either way, she is faced with the burden of self doubt and, despite the adoring writer, she does not hold herself in such high regard.

But, to me, the general impression of the song is that we should embrace the “inner Virginia” in ourselves, because being true to yourself is beautiful, sexy, and magic. Personally, I feel that the video produced for this song is extremely disappointing! (I was unable to share but it can be viewed on Youtube) The video features a modelesque Virginia who is far too mainstream – way too perfect - she certainly does not fit the description of the free-spirited Virginia that I envisioned.

After an extensive online search, I have found the girl who represents the perfect Virginia in my mind. Her name is Yael and she is a Franco-Israeli singer/songwriter. To me, she exemplifies quirky, yet beautiful.




So, even at the dawning of middle age, I am ready to embrace change, find it in myself to express the inner Virginia, who I have hid for years behind khaki pants, V-neck T-shirts and sensible running shoes!! I’ll let you know what happens when I find it in myself to welcome her home....

Becoming

Once in awhile, a discovery of music is made, only by chance (with a little help from online search engines).
Such a discovery was made tonight. This song, Becoming, by April McLean, fits well into this moment in time, and I fell in love with the lyrics immediately. (For the record, the theme of "failing your partner" is not really applicable to our life - I didn't write the song, but I love the rest of the lyrics, nonetheless...)

Becoming

I know I made you cry
I failed you left and right
And I've been too hard inside to see you hurting
And I guess all I can say
Is that even at my age, I'm still learning

And I know it's hard to believe
But there's been a change in me
And what I could not give you then
I can give you now

I'm becoming whole
And I'm becoming healed
And I'm becoming
something beautiful to see
I'm overcoming fear
And I'm overcoming shame
And I'm becoming
so much more than me

That's why I'm here tonight
To try and set things right
And rebuild the bridges I once left burning
I cannot change the past
I cannot change your mind
I guess all I can change is me

So I'm becoming strong
And I'm becoming wise
And I'm becoming
what you thought you'd never see
I'm overcoming pride
And I'm overcoming blame
And I'm becoming
so much more than me

I'm becoming whole
And I'm becoming healed
And I'm becoming
something beautiful to see
I'm overcoming fear
And I'm overcoming shame
And I'm becoming
so much more than me

- April McLean, 2002

Silence

Last week, I briefly met a physio who had recently engaged in a meditation practice which involved immersing oneself in silence for 10 straight days. Although I wanted to find out more about his speechless venture, I did not get a chance to clarify. However, I’ve since been thinking about the concept of silence.

Silence can mean so many different things in so many different situations:

For a young mother of a teething toddler, silence is welcomed respite.

For a teacher, after the first day of elementary school, silence is joy.

For a teenager, born in the late nineties, silence is boring.

For a quarrelling couple, silence is the epitome of frustration or power.

For a friend, waiting for a reply, silence is heartbreaking.

For a musician, silence is poverty.

For a scared child in the middle of the night, silence is horrifying.

For the mother of a six year old who catches her son with his hand in the cookie jar, silence is guilt.

For an extrovert, silence is uncomfortable.

For an introvert, silence is rejuvenating.

For me, silence is now necessary....

Shhh.....

The Closest Cafe

Well, we’re officially almost two-thirds of the way through 2010, one of the most challenging years of my life.

I’m so happy to share that the past 2 months have been really great – summer has been filled with glorious sunshine, cheerful birthday parties, rewarding work, and personal fitness. I even went so far as labelling August 16th as the “best day of year” after a wonderful time celebrating my daughter’s birthday.

During the previous day, I had the “Glee-ful” experience of choreographing, teaching, and performing a “flash mob” with 11 kids during our daughter’s pancake breakfast birthday party... Talk about total and complete silly fun!!

I felt that all was well, until lunchtime at work the following day. I was hungry, but hadn’t had time to pack a lunch, as the fridge was full of pancakes, pudding and cupcakes! I was craving a turkey sandwich and was running out of time before my next patient was scheduled. So I headed off to the closest lunch spot – the cafe at the BC Cancer Agency.

I briefly hesitated, knowing that this building was the site of several previous visits with my dad, during his illness. But I thought that I’d be fine – I’d been parking in front of that building for weeks and had no emotional reaction .

So, in I walked, feeling hungry and confident that everything was going to be okay. I was wrong.

I ordered a turkey sandwich, then glanced briefly down the corridor. Unfortunately, I let my guard down for a brief moment, and the memory of my last visits there flooded back. I thought about how my dad needed help filling out the computerized well-being questionnaire and how he said he was feeling unbearably nauseous. Mom and I had chatted about the decor and friends she knew who volunteered there. Dad was wearing his Kahki pants - the belt fastened with a buckle featuring an RCAF emblem – the belt which was so important then, as he was losing weight rapidly. I remember his slow shuffling gait, and how he waiting impatiently as I retrieved the car from the staff parking lot - I insisted that he conserve his energy. That was only a relatively short time ago, in February. Now, it was August and he was gone. February was a lifetime ago.

“Turkey Sandwich ready.” The lady behind the counter spoke. Oh no. The simple hunger that I felt a few minutes before was now replaced by the intense visceral burning of sadness – the kind of hopeless grief that can only be relieved by a period of tearful solitude. A period of time which was not booked into my afternoon schedule. So I forced down half of the nauseating sandwich – with only my left brain to encourage me to chew. I took a few deep breaths and concentrated on the walk back to the outpatient building so that I could fully focus on my afternoon patients. I successfully held the tears back until a more convenient time.

Now, I am able to put this episonde into perspective. This was an intense moment of sadness during a great week. In May and June I was experiencing these moments several times every day. For much of 2010, it felt rare to experience true happiness for an extened period of time, but now, I am enjoying hours, even days of joyful energy, as I regain the ability to be fully present with family and friends.

But I will likely be unable to eat a turkey sandwich for a long time. It will get added to the list of everyday objects now associated with sadness and grief – an Olympic hoodie, Mom's silver serving tray, Dad’s belt, the scent of cranberry scented bamboo sticks, and “Mr Bojangles”

Perhaps, next time I'm hungry at work, I'll go to Subway.